Ten not-so-serious NLP Tips for the Festive Season

You know how the festive season can bring us into close quarters with some people we find “a bit trying?” Here’s ten tips from the major features of NLP to lighten your experience over the festive period….
  

1. Respect Others Model of the World

So when Mum seems to imply that you are ungrateful for all her efforts in bringing you up, and Dad goes on about how hard he worked to pay the bills, and how the youth of today don’t realise how they’ve got it made… And the Boss naturally assumes that you will do whatever it takes to help the company/Division/Group hit its targets … you will hang on to this idea for dear life. 

2.  Perception is Projection  Which will of course give you great comfort as your sister is giving you the “you were always the favourite,” and when your skiving staff want to leave at lunchtime on Xmas eve. You will find deep meaningful personal enlightenment in exploring how it is simply yourself that you are witnessing. Or can this principle equate to giving others a piece of your mind?

3. Reframing   The Finance director is not mean by not paying for a staff Xmas party, he is simply being careful. “Working between Xmas and New Year is not taking advantage of slack time, it is showing that I am a committed worker.” “Feasting is not over-eating, it appreciating our good fortune.” And of course, the perennial “You’re right Grandma, you can never have enough woolly socks/jumpers/scarves.”

  

4. Law of Requisite Variety – the most flexible element will control the system   Which is why that brown-nosing little so-and-so new kid is doing so well. And you who are better qualified are in charge of stationery. And as the kids max-out on the X-box thingy, oblivious to any criticism, distraction or threat, your recollection of this key principle will save the day, as you elect to vacuum in front of the telly, singing “So This Is Christmas” with a glass of bubbly in hand, clad in tinsel and best going-out outfit, whilst revving the hyper-Dyson. You show ’em babe/matey. Substitute grabbing work colleagues under the mistletoe etc. as you wish.

5. People are not their behaviours. The boss is not a horrid meanie, he just really doesn’t like it when you are late in. People are not uncaring and selfish in the Boxing Day sales, they are simply acutely focussing on what they want. Your kids are not nuisances, they are asking for things while you happen to be busy (which is always, ’cause we are parents!)  Your mother-in-law is not a nagging know-all, she is a person who is motivated to pass on her views. You are not an angry old man, you are simply ‘losing it’ - grrr!

6.  Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available. Don’t try this one at the Group Annual Progress Meeting. Trust me. It does apply to the old couple doing 29 mph down the High Street and you have FORGOTTEN TO BUY THE CRANBERY! And it’s why Dad forgot to collect the turkey on the way home. It’s also why Mum is calling him “your Father.”

7. There is no failure, only feedback   As in number (6) - don’t try this one at the Group Annual Progress Meeting. Don’t buy your female boss a pair of panties in the Secret Santa, nor Mum a car vacuum cleaner (or any tool of any kind) for Christmas. Ever again. (Yes there are exceptions and I am not stereotyping. But don’t risk it.) When asked about how you enjoyed Christmas dinner, detailed constructive feedback, even “sandwich-wise”, is not recommended.  Beware of feedback invitations in the form of “does my bum look big in this” / “have I put on weight” / “isn't it amazing how Granny knew just what you wanted for presents?” etc.

8. The meaning of communication is the response you get  Examples such as “The Xmas party is no excuse to be in late tomorrow, and telling the kids not to wake you up early on Christmas Day are both in fact reminders to do those very things.  Promising to get up early to put the turkey on is NOT the same as actually doing so. Your miscommunication will not be well-received, and you will also discover the actual meaning of your communication that you forgot. It won’t be pleasant.

9. The map is not the Territory. In fact it’s the Sat Nav, as well we know. And whilst you think it’s your alibi for not digging out directions to Uncle Bob’s, you will in fact discover that Bob’s your Uncle is far from applicable when you turn up an hour late. At work, beware actually believing the Group’s annual financial projection; nor the corporate mission statement, job objectives agreed in annual reviews etc etc.

10. You are in charge of your mind, and therefore your results  Which is why you are such a great boss / colleague / staff member / parent / partner / son / daughter over Christmas-time.  But this rule is suspended over New Year, naturally.