Why this blog?

Because HAPPINESS is misused. My theory is that Happiness is NOT the POINT of Life; rather, it is a POINTER IN LIFE. And when it comes to making changes, that's what I specialise in at abetterlife-uk.com and http://hertscollegeofhypnosisandnlp.co.uk

Search This Blog

Google+ Followers

Monday, September 18, 2017


Here's my beef - that happiness and happy lives are not necessarily the same thing at all. And more importantly, I have the idea that Happiness is not something you should pursue in any case. Shocking? I'll explain.
You see, researchers use the notion of 'Subjective Well-Being' or SWB to measure happiness in their surveys. They ask questions like, How happy have you felt over the last month?  and How satisfied are you with your life?  You might give two very different answers to each of these questions. Others may not. It depends in part on what you think they mean. Others have made this point too.
Recent research has also pointed out that Happiness and Meaningfulness are not the same thing.. which is kind of along the same lines. But I think there is a more fundamental problem. We have got the whole idea of happiness messed up. (The full paper is here).

Here's my BIG IDEA: WHAT IF EVERYTHING THAT YOU THOUGHT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY WERE TOTALLY WRONG? Unlikely? Not so; in fact, it's very probable....

Professor of psychology at Harvard, Daniel Gilbert wrote in his book Stumbling on Happiness that the single biggest obstacle to our happiness is our natural inability to think accurately about the future. 
Gilbert goes as far as to accuse our brains of being “talented forgers”, fabricating a convincing living story made up of nothing but memories and distorted perceptions. Happiness is, by far, an “inside job.”  I agree.
BUT there’s worse to come. And this comes from my own experience of some twenty years working with people to solve a myriad of life problems, and it’s this: HAPPINESS is JUST AN EMOTION – a FEELING.  And FEELINGS are meant to be learnt from. They are the mind/body’s natural feedback signal – just kike pain teaches you not to stick your finger in the fire. 
My idea is that Happiness says YOU ENJOYED THAT - something resonated with you. AND HAPPINESS ASKS - WHAT WAS IT ABOUT THIS THAT MAKES IT SO GOOD? LEARN from it; what is it teaching you about what matters in life to you? Where is it telling you to head - the direction for more of what this was really about?
The bottom line: happiness is NOT the POINT of Life; rather, it is a POINTER IN LIFE. Sign up to my blog and get four free articles introducing my ideas on happiness; the Physics of Happiness. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

British teenagers among least satisfied in western world

Happiness matters...

Article in the Guardian 15 March:http://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/mar/15/british-teenagers-among-least-satisfied-in-western-world?CMP=share_btn_fb 

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Left-Right Brain Myths and Perspectives

Left-Right Brain Myths and Perspectives
This is not brand new, but it will be new to most people. Very entertaining as well as thought-provoking.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Happiness is your BIGGEST PROBLEM

Happiness points to the MOTHER OF ALL PROBLEMS.. and the only one you really have. How to find it. 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Happiness? What is it really?

Everyone seems to have a view on what happiness is. The best minds have pondered its true nature for some thousands of years. Happiness is no laughing matter. And what about other emotions? The so-called "negative" emotions? Are they to be shunned as the black sheep of the fold of emotions? I believe they are valuable as happiness, and all are there to guide us.

I have reviewed the matter from many angles - spirituality, mysticism, psychology, cosmology, neurobiology, religion, modern and ancient philosophy... and took the view that they all had something important to say. This short clip picks out one feature of my conclusions.

Friday, October 9, 2015

Sometimes Happiness is just enjoying the silliness

Jurgen Klopp new Liverpool FC manager - "the Normal One" haha



If you don't know why this should be funny

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Happiness What is it? Does it matter? How to achieve it

Register on the right (top) to get notified of updates here. Signup for my newlsetters further down on the right.  

Monday, January 5, 2015

Festive Jet-Lag? How to survive back at work

image courtesy of Graur Codrin
at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
What are the odds that you'll wake up every morning this week, open one eye and think: ‘Why on earth is my alarm going off in the middle of the night?’ asks Claire Cohen in her amusing article.
Yes, the Christmas break really was just a break. It’s over. No more duvet days in your PJs, watching
 old films and eating leftovers for breakfast (or is that just me?) And while you thought only hedgehogs and bears hibernated, you discovered even humans can get into it. 
image courtesy of Stuart Miles

It can strike even the most enthusiastic amongst you. And summer holidays seem a long way off. And then comes all the slimming and get fit adverts, just to remind you how far you’ve slipped. And just what was that urgent project just before Christmas? It's no use hiding; so how can you get back into the groove?

Well, the first step is to recognize what you are dealing with. Claire reminds us that research confirms that you are not alone; negative emotions associated with the end of the festive period, with two weeks of irregular sleep and eating patterns (fancy a ginger wine with your breakfast sausage roll anyone?) are normal.

Getting back to the old routine of early nights and waking up in the dark can feel pretty much like jet-lag (it’s been called ‘social jet lag’). Articles have gone viral over the last few days, and all quote researcher Victoria Revell, who is actually a an advisor to a light-box manufacture. Hmm. (For those who care about these things, the original work so far as I can trace it, was by Wittman et al., and one of the authors wrote a book on the topic. Anyhow, symptoms can include: feeling sluggish, struggling to sleep, indigestion, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, memory problems, clumsiness, lack of energy and general fatigue.
Of course, just as with proper jetlag the advice is to adjust to the patterns of your destination, then you should have stuck your normal waking hours over Christmas. Ahh, the wisdom of hindsight. The hindsight many of us are experiencing is that of a far lardier backside than before the break.
 And the road to ruin is paved with good intentions, as we know.
Step two: be aware that there will be your ups and your downs over the first few days back – some of your strengths, and some of your weaknesses will show up (probably at the wrong moments, unfortunately). Start gently, by all means – unless you’re the kind of person who hits the ground running and is in the work gym by 6 am on day one - but don’t use the period post- festive break as an excuse to slouch. It won’t go down well. Instead, be targeted with your limited energy.
First off will be to tackle the mountain of belated email that will wash into your inbox. Schedule extra time for this. It will help you towards a “cleared decks” feeling, ready for the the next step, which is to prepare for the week ahead. 
CEO of Mediacom, Karen Blacket, says she gets into the right frame of mind for the first Monday after the festive period by: “Going through my diary for the day ahead the night before and trying to go to sleep at a decent hour. Starting the day with a green juice (yes, ..the detox kick), getting into the office an hour before normal and then blocking out an hour in my diary during the day for emails and internal catch ups.”
“I also drink lots of green tea and use an aromatherapy oil roll on my pressure points when I start to lag”. Well, I can’t vouch for the latter, but let me know if it works for you.

Founder of networking company Citymothers, Louisa Symington-Mills concurs that at least gentle preparation the night before to ameliorate the pain out of going back to work after the break. She also advises to avoid the drama chat and new years resolution brigade and “Focus on the year and opportunities ahead, and remind yourself why you enjoy your job (and if you really can’t remember, perhaps now’s the time to look for another).”
image courtesy of Stuart Miles
And there’s a good point, which many will be thinking about for the New Year – how do you want this year to look? The same as last year? Whether you look for a new role, or take up a hobby – it’s a good idea to think about something new as you head back to the office. You’ve just had a glimpse into a world where work doesn’t actually define your life. Are you going to forget about your quality of life? Or will you to capitalise on this and plan some new activities, or learning new skills?

Telegraph columnist Josephine Fairley likes to set herself a new goal each year. 
 “I certainly think stretching yourself mentally is vital, if we are to keep feeling alive and alert. But personal goals don’t have to be overly ambitious. The key is to be realistic.” I agree; my happiness strap line is “do more of what you like, and less of what you don’t”.

What will you do? You can channel all your energy into presenting some new idea to your boss or channel it into something extra-curricular that will boost your overall productivity, and happiness. 

What will you do? You can channel all your energy into presenting some new idea to your boss or channel it into something extra-curricular that will boost your overall productivity, and happiness.

image courtesy of SergeBertasiusPhotography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Well, here’s my contribution to your New You
As Einstein famously said, you won’t make any significant change without changing your thinking.  “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” In other words, if you really want to stretch your mental muscles, and raise your game, you need to learn to actually think differently. More facts and more research will not hit the spot. You will just have a lot of information. Change requires mental gymnastics. And that’s where NLP and Hypnosis are in their zone. Don’t be fooled by thinking it’s all about some mystical hypnotic state; hypnotic language patterns and creating effective mental imagery are the real tools of change, and form the core of hypnosis and NLP. It’s about discovering how your brain really works, then learning to reprogramme it in its own language. Special New Year Deals till 15th Jan. Don't miss out - numbers also limited.